(Click here to read episodes in Pedophile Priest True Crime Series Kay's story is at CofA15 Musing at Chill Hippie Blog)

Royal Commission Testimony: Click Here To Watch Only place on Earth showing testimony on video is John Brown's YouTube channel here at CofA Blog. Added 8.27: Archbishop Denis Hart, more coming
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Friday, November 14, 2014

At some point you have to go in the temple and turn over the tables. Jesus ain't here so someone else has to do it.
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Monday, November 10, 2014

I am sick, will hopefully continue this blog when I feel better.

Sunday, October 26, 2014

yes, women today bring their pre-teen daughters along to twerk exercise class and see nothing wrong with it. Weird time to be alive.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

After the second time I assaulted Cardinal Mahony on the street, a judge had me live in a shelter for wayward women instead of a prison sentence. At that East Hollywood kitchen table, I had the moment of recognition: I have a perfect excuse to kill somebody. Fiction coming soon at CofA Fiction http://cofafiction.blogspot.com/ 

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

CofA Blog has come to a stop for a while. If you are curious what happened, contact me, I can't go public with it, it sucks. But the Church finally found a way to get me to stop.

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Monday, October 6, 2014

Abuse Not Only Sexual at Madonna Manor Catholic Boys Home (Ted 4 Part 1)

Parallel Hells Continued

“Earlier in day the nun was beating me, now she has me suckle on her breast.  I heard them killing a kid once. Just some of the things I'm dealing with in therapy.”  

Madonna Manor
Seeing stories in the news today about Irish orphanages where sex was only part of the abuse children experienced, I knew it was time to publish Ted 4 (Ted 1 is here  and Ted 2 is here ), since the theme of the Parallel Hells series is the similarities in pedophile priest crimes and coverups around the world.  I have not been able to complete Ted 3, which will be of the R Rated site and include details of sodomy rape by a priest in a confessional. To be honest, I can’t even open that Word file and work on it lately, so the project has been stalled, until I saw recent news reports from Ireland.

The interview is a firsthand account of the nightmare of life for young boys in Madonna Manor children’s home run by the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of New Orleans in the 1960s and 70s.  Based on interviews with Ted Lausche Summer 2012 in Chicago, here is Ted 4, in Ted’s own words: 

I heard them killing a kid once.

We’d seen other kids get killed too.  You just didn't talk about it.  One kid got thrown under a giant tractor they used to cut the lawn. 


It was terrible, then we never saw the kid again.  Nobody ever came around to explain. It was just like, everybody knew.

You could be next. 

We were out on the field playing soccer.  H told us to move because he was going to start cutting the grass.  There were about 13 of us, and we said fuck you, we're going to finish our game. 

H went by on his mower, and this kid. . .

He was a big kid, a large kid, older kid.  H was mad because we hadn’t moved.

It was a really hot summer day, August, a swamp area, five miles from New Orleans if you fly across river, in Marrero a suburb near Algiers.  Back then we were the only thing out there, with just a two lane both ways. 


I Was Laying In The Tall Grass Next To A Hand Sticking Out Of The Ground.  It had been eaten, dry skeleton like. 


I’d run and hide on the property

Other kids would run and right away try to get to New Orleans.  When I’d run away, I’d go hide somewhere on the property.  As a result I saw places where bodies buried.

The fog was thick and I lay in the tall grass. 

That's when I ended up lying in the tall grass next to a hand sticking out of the ground.  It had been eaten, was dry skeleton like. 


My dad was a politician in Chicago.*  He was on stage at one time with the original Mayor Daly. 

My mom never married my dad. 


When I was a baby, maybe three years old, she put me in a taxi cab, I remember it, her and cab driver arguing.  We get to a bar, Figaro’s, a Mafia outlet.  Dad wasn’t there though.  He should have been, because he was running whore house activity. 

His name was Theodore Paul Lausch.*

When she had me, she still had her maiden name.  She decided for the birth certificate, his Lausch too guttural but by adding the E on the end it became Lausche.  

Pronounced Laushay

Made the name sound French.  

It was the 1950s, she was a single mom with a kid.  She went to work as, well, as a dancer.

(One time Ted did meet his father in a hotel room.)

He bought me this weird ass toy, a yellow dump truck.  He was laying on the couch, he was fifty something, still in great shape. 

Mom moved us to New Orleans.  She got busted for whoring, got 30 days, and didn't tell the cops she had a kid at home in the apartment.  She just left me, that's how I ended up in an orphanage.

The apartment where I’d been for days with no food was right downtown New Orleans, two blocks from the police station.  After I’d been there for days with no food, I walked out and sat next to a fire hydrant, and a cop car pulled up. 

At the police station they pushed two giant chairs together under a slow moving fan, that's where I spent the night.  They brought me sandwiches.  I was outside the drunk tank in a little cell. 


Here’s How The Book Should Start.  Imagine a world where the only touch is violence. 


Soon after I arrived at the orphanage, I was still new and f---ing scared out of my mind.  As soon as I walked in, when the social worker walked away this little tiny nun came around, she was about two inches bigger than me, all covered in black, all you saw were her hands and shoes. 

She says, “You're going to love it here,” and got me an ice cream cone.  I'm thinking this is paradise.  Then the social worker walks away.  The ice cream cone flies into the garbage, the nun grabs me by the ear. 

She jerked me down to the floor, slapped my face into the tile and said, I'm going to tell you everything you need to know between here and your dormitory.  Then through two dining rooms and a courtyard, believe me she did.  She dragged me by my ear when I couldn't keep up, slapped me half a dozen times.

But she did not swear. That would be sinful.


Sure I remember her name. 
It's Sister Mary Omar. 

She was about four foot six and was head at the time of Holy Sisters of Notre Dame out of Texas.

There were about 500 kids at the orphanage, along with some deaf girls also on the property. 

I was there maybe a week, still feeling my way.  There were unwritten rules about everything.  You were regularly beaten, everybody got punished, then afterwards everybody would beat everybody else up. 

You slept two to a bed.  I'm laying on the floor, a kid kicked me onto the floor. 

The strongest survive. 

From the floor I hear a kid on a bed crying, see another kid is eating his sheets. 


Earlier In Day She Was Beating Me. Now she has me suckle on her breast.


(Cut to R-Rated excerpt )


It wasn’t just me it was other kids too, she just seemed choose them at random. 

The nuns at Madonna Manor must have been the lowest of the low, and this had been going on for a long time. 

And we went to Mass twice a day,  three times on Sunday. 

Everything we got was donated from the community.  When I got out of Madonna Manor, I wanted to go see each charity in the community and tell them, they should find out where their money goes. 

I tried.

Obituary of Ted's dad's wife:

Betty J. Hall, nee Lausch, age 84, beloved wife for 65 years to Theodore R. "Ted"; loving mother of ... Funeral Service 7 p.m. at Colonial Chapel

Posted by Kay Ebeling
The City of Angels Is Everywhere

Foraging for Food at Madonna Manor Boys Home (Ted 4 part 2)

Parallel Hells, Continued

Lausche, 2011
(From Interview with Ted Lausche, Summer 2012, Part one is here, in his own words: )

Oh man, after the priest raped me, then I got smart. 

The nuns had meat every day.  They fed us beans and rice, every f---ing day of my life there I ate beans and rice.  I can’t even be in the same room with black eye peas to this day or be around that stench from when they soak beans.

I was about eight years old when I realized there were ways to break the rules, I saw other kids do it, I was so f---ing hungry and so f---ing tired.  I knew if I just got something to eat, I could sleep good.  I hadn’t slept and was getting psychotic, getting two-three hours of sleep and on top of that being starved. 

I finally got brave. I went down this long hallway with a door on each end.  I  had to get by the nuns’ bedrooms to get to the kitchen.  I tried several times several nights and finally I made it.


I had made friends with a dog who used to sleep on the porch.  One night listening to the dog’s stomach growl, it was like, we're all in the same boat here.


Lying there one night, I thought I had two choices.  I was starting to tear off corners of paper to eat, some kids were paint eaters, they're probably dead.  I started eating paper at night, the kid down from me was eating his sheet. 

I waited for Sister to get by on her rounds and back to her dormitory, a lot of times they were sneaky-

I waited for her.  I crawled along the floor, I didn't know if the other kids were sleeping.  Once we went to bed most kids fell asleep, a lot of them cried themselves to sleep, some rocked constantly back and forth, so there was always enough noise. 

So I'm crawling along the corners, far away from them as I can get at this slow pace, I get over by the door.  I keep expecting sister to come back.

I close the door and I'm lost.

What was I thinking. 

I don't know how far it is down the stairs, there’s this hallway with eight or nine doors all of them nuns’ private quarters.  A light comes on in one of them.

I Froze.  I stayed there forever, then went back to my sleeping area.  Every time I’d try to go to the kitchen, I’d hear somebody.  I’d stand there and stand there, get tired so sneak back to bed. 

Probably did that for a week getting a little further each time. 

I’d get comfortable with sounds I heard in the nuns’ apartments. 

What made me decide to do something was I had made friends with a dog who used to sleep on the porch.  One night listening to the dog’s stomach growl, it was like, we're all in the same boat here.  Couple days later I thought I know where the kitchen is.  I'm going to go for it.

I decided I'm just going to do it, not going to wait, If I got caught fuck it, because I was hungry.  There was a certain thrill to it, later on.  I felt like a super hero the first time he fights crime. 

I got to the top of a stairway that I never got to before.  d

There was a bright light in the kitchen area. 

I wasn’t even creeping along the wall this time.  I walked the hall like I belonged there, walked down the stairs, wondering how I’d get back, what have I done.  At the bottom of the stairs, the kitchen is dark.  

I know where the freezers are, and that's actually where I was headed for the meat. But then I opened a drawer and saw these bags of potato chips, whatever that Southern brand is. 

Right there I ate the whole bag. 

It was the first time I ever ate potato chips and I couldn't stop, to this day, I love potato chips.

I was so full, and my mouth was on fire.  Oh my god next morning my mouth was just caked from all that salt.  I got sick actually later, but loved it while I ate that whole bag, then tried to clean up.

I wasn’t the only one who stole food. 

Later I’d find other kids down there but we weren't organized.  You’d come to these conclusions of how to get food on your own.  We were so fragmented, most of the time at each other’s throats. 

I got caught one time, the time with the potato chips, and I got reamed, that might have been where I got one of the concussions. 

Sister Martin Marie, about five-five, the one with the free weights. 

She would punch you, and one time she knocked a tooth out.

She did that the first time I reported the sex abuse at age thirteen


When I Got Older I Worked In The Kitchen. 
You’d serve them these plates of steaming vegetables and cooked meat

Then we were getting bologna on bread, whatever was donated.  The nuns had a full kitchen. They had a budget to pay for their food.  We were dependent on charity. 

If we got some kind of meat, it was a piece of sausage maybe in the grits.  Oh I knew how to get into the kitchen, thing is they walked rounds every couple hours. 

We had lots of vegetables because we had a working farm, so at least we always had fresh vegetables. 

They’d serve enough food for two people divided up among five people and the bad-ass got the most. 

A lot of the nuns at the orphanage were lesbians.  They lived there, it was staffed by nuns, a couple were real butch dykes, one with a free-weight lifting set in her room.

I engaged in threesomes with the other nuns, girls nineteen years old, I was thirteen, oh God, I don't know how many times. 

(Ted has been married five times with so many serial monogamous relationships in his life, he cannot count. In our summer 2014 conversation he was talking off phone to his current fiancee.  Read more on the residual effects of clergy sex abuse on children when they become adults in future stories at City of Angels Blog. )


Posted by Kay Ebeling
The City of Angels Is Everywhere

Irish Catholic Boys Home Notes

Background for Ted 4

October 6, 2014

Abuse began 'day after' boy arrived at Down home

RTE News
Alleged victims of sex abuse at a children's home run by the Catholic De La Salle Brothers in Northern Ireland have begun giving evidence at a public inquiry.
This part of the Historical Institutional Abuse inquiry is focusing on the former De La Salle Boys Home at Rubane House in Kircubbin in Co Down.
Last week, a lawyer for the inquiry claimed that around one fifth of the 1,000 boys who stayed at Rubane between 1951 and 1985 had suffered sexual or physical abuse.
A 77-year-old man, who was a resident in Rubane as a teenager in the 1950s, told the inquiry he was abused by one of the brothers the day after he arrived at the home.
He claimed he was interfered with while having a shower and while in bed in the dormitory.
The man alleged that some of the abuse was done very craftily under the guise of horseplay.

Co Down boys’ home was ‘hell on earth’, says former resident

Irish Times
Gerry Moriarty
Mon, Oct 6, 2014
A 77-year-old Co Tyrone man has described as a “hell hole” and “hell on earth” the De La Salle Rubane House boys’ care home in Kircubbin, Co Down, where he spent two years as a teenager in the early 1950s.
The witness, who asked to remain anonymous, said he was one of the first boys to enter the new care home in 1951 and that right from the start he suffered abuse.
“I don’t remember the good times because I had so many bad times,” he told the Historical Institutional Abuse inquiry in Banbridge, Co Down, today.
Although the witness had a happy childhood in Australia, she said feelings of “abandonment and isolation came to the surface” when she got engaged.Witness suffered feelings of ‘abandonment and isolation’
His step-brother, now aged 70, who spent almost two years in the home from August 1958, also told the inquiry that he was locked in a special pen for cattle, which he described as a “cattle crusher”, and then raped by one of the brothers.
The inquiry is investigating alleged child abuse at total of 13 Northern Ireland institutions from 1922 to 1995.

Some abuse allegations 'inaccurate'

Belfast Telegraph
06 OCTOBER 2014
A religious order under scrutiny at a historic abuse inquiry has said some of the allegations were inaccurate.
A lawyer for the De La Salle congregation of brothers said it had apologised and paid compensation where it accepted that wrongdoing took place.
Kevin Rooney QC challenged some of the evidence due to be given to the Historical Institutional Abuse (HIA) inquiry.
He said: "There are allegations which lawyers say are inaccurate, unreliable, possibly untruthful."
He said the order sought to protect the reputation, integrity and character of those brothers whom it said did not abuse.
"The apology is also based on the civil claims that have been brought against the order, they have paid deserved compensation to those applicants who they accept have been abused."

Boy 'abused just one day after arriving at children's home in Northern Ireland'

Belfast Telegraph
One of the first boys to enter a children's home in Northern Ireland has said he was abused by a religious brother the day after he arrived.
He claimed he was interfered with while having a shower at Rubane House, Co Down, in 1951, under the guise of "horse play".
Once he went missing, he told a public inquiry, was brought home by police, beaten by members of the Catholic order which ran the home and had his hair shaved off in what he claimed was an act of humiliation.
He said: "It was just hell on earth."
The witness's evidence was that the abuse started the day after he arrived at Rubane and left him feeling extremely uncomfortable. He criticised some of the brothers.
"They did come into the dorms. It did not appear that they came in to check if someone wanted to go to the toilet, it was always something of a sexual nature."

Inquiry hears of child rape claims

Yahoo! News
Press Association
A man who claims he was raped using a piece of equipment for restraining farm animals has given evidence to a child abuse inquiry in Northern Ireland.
When he reported the cattle crush assault to a priest he was beaten and locked in a cupboard overnight, the witness told the Historical Institutional Abuse (HIA) inquiry.
The victim was a resident at Rubane House, which is the subject of a government-ordered investigation into claims of historic physical and sexual attacks on boys.
It was run by the Catholic De La Salle order of brothers.
Allegations of bestiality and children going missing were also made by witnesses.
One said: "It was just hell on earth."

Thursday, October 2, 2014

WTF am I doing here?

Now I've ended up in the Mojave Desert hiding from bad guys.  I'm one of their hundred thousand or so crime victims.  Being the snub nosed journalist I am, I didn't file a civil lawsuit against the Chicago Archdiocese in time and get cash so I could get on with my life, I had to stay in L.A. and start a blog .  I was a na├»ve ex flower child who thought I could report crimes of pedophile priests and the bishops who aided and abetted them, plus how they ran damage control over the survivors, and not get any retaliation.  

I was wrong. 


Love this Irish headline

Vile Christian Brother admits groping 10-year-old boys' privates as they sat in classroom

Irish Mirror
Oct 01, 2014 By Brian McDonald
A vile Christian Brother sexually abused boys as young as ten as they sat in class, a court heard yesterday.
The shocking details of the sex assaults on the boys at a national school in the midlands were revealed to Mullingar Circuit Court sitting in Tullamore.

ALSO in the news today

Diocese knew about abuse by KC priest but did nothing, witnesses tell jury

The Kansas City Star
A well-known public relations consultant, a Catholic nun and a former school board vice president told a Jackson County jury Wednesday that they had reported sexual abuse concerns involving Monsignor Thomas O’Brien to the diocese over a span of decades, but nothing was ever done.

More of the story that never goes away

Thanks to Kathy Shaw producer of Abuse Tracker and Bishop Accountability for maintaining the database

More to this story

In the midst of the pedophile priest lawsuits and rigamarole, has anyone cared about what happens to people when their entire religious construct comes out from under them? When everything they believe in is proved false but everyone else in the world seems to still believe it? I mean, this story is not over.

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Tuesday, September 30, 2014

The Whole World Was Watching when Catholics let pedophiles go, setting a new amoral era in motion

The world watched as American bishops covered up pedophile priest crimes and our Justice Department looked the other way.

The US sets the tone, others follow. You can't let criminals run major organizations in your country and expect it to not affect the culture.  

Catholic Bishops are the original, indeed quintessential, corporate criminals. We see now global chaos as the the economy collapses. The Vatican set the moral standard for the globe: Greed at the top, beat down the rest of us; no matter who gets damaged, the corporation, which in the bishops' case is the Catholic Church, must live on.  

Catholic Bishops set the moral tone for the globe and this is what we are living with today.

Monday, September 29, 2014

Check out this blog
this week in sex abuse of children by pedophile catholic priests
Pennsylvania Priest Accused of Abuse Was Reported 5 Years Ago … New York Times-Sep 26, 2014. Details of child sexual abuse that led to charges ...

Holder Mistake with Bishops Repeated with Imans

By Kay Ebeling, City of Angels

All of a sudden Eric Holder resigns. It looks like Obama's AG screwed up bad by being too benevolent to "nonprofits" that have Islam in their name. He allowed who knows how many dollars to flow into mosques that produced criminals such as the Tsarnaev brothers in Boston and Alton Nolen in Oklahoma. 

This is the same Attorney General who said no when he had an opportunity to file federal indictments against Catholic bishops for aiding and abetting pedophile priests back in 2009-10, astounding crime victims nationwide.  Now Holder has made the same mistake with Islamic groups, not believing that a network of criminals could operate at the top echelons of a religion.  Holder is now no longer our AG, but we have to deal with the consequences.

Eric Holder did not prosecute the bishops just like he would not prosecute the imans. In the Catholic case it means dozens of felons are still in powerful positions influencing public policy. In the Islamic case, the entire nation’s security has been compromised.

I hope someone besides me sees that the real problem here is the US Dept of Justice believing criminals are innocent just because they are leaders in religious organizations.  


Friday, September 19, 2014

Friday, September 12, 2014

The US is aghast that the NFL kept a football player on the field when he beat his wife. Why is that surprising when the Catholic Church left priests in office after they raped children thousands of times? The moral standard has been set. Expect a lot more beatings rapes and other brutalities in a culture where a church run by corporate lawyers defines right and wrong.

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Thursday, September 11, 2014

Working now on posts for 
Faster Than the Speed of Life.  
It's time. 

Friday, September 5, 2014

For 15 Years John Wojnowski has held pedophile priest protest in DC at Vatican diplomat office

Extraordinary Temerity
Seven days a week, he rises at six and rides a bus, a subway, and another bus to the Apostolic Nunciature in Washington D.C. There, John Wojnowski unrolls his sign and everyone who drives or walks by the office of the Pope's diplomats is reminded: The Vatican Hides Pedophiles: Pictured here is Wojnowski, Aug 2014 in his fifteenth year of protest.
Wojnowski, 15 years demonstrating in DC, Aug 2014
It was difficult to talk to John by phone recently, as he has limited telecom service. He uses computers in the library to keep up with email. But he did send me these recent photos documenting his continued one-man demonstration. John pays overpriced rent so he can live in the DC area, and go to what has become his job, seven days a week, reminding everyone who drives by that the "Vatican Hides Pedophiles" and-
Wojnowski 15 years DC protest, Aug 2014
-that "Jesus would be Furious." Thanks, John.  Wouldn't it be great if a thousand other survivors had your temerity and showed up every day outside Archdiocese offices in every city in the world with a sign like yours.  Wojnowski has been in front of the Nunciature with his signs now fifteen years and counting. 

-posted by Kay Ebeling, the City of Angels is Everywhere

Monday, September 1, 2014

we all have to do the best we can where we land and go from there

Friday, August 29, 2014

Parallel Hells, Ted 1

Raped by Multiple Clergy in Catholic Boys Home 
(Warning: language is graphic w/R-rated outtakes)

By Kay Ebeling 
(To show the extent of damage caused by pedophile priests, CofA Blog publishes what victims say in their own words, for the record. If details of a traumatic memory from early childhood are wrong, that does not prove the entire recollection false, research shows. This series of posts comes from three afternoons I spent interviewing Ted Lausche in Chicago 2012. My Take is in this post: Ted 2. Coming soon are “The Hebert Incident” (with R-rated outtakes) and “Hell Everywhere at Madonna Manor,” the next two segments of this full length feature story, which begins here: )

Ted Lausche, self portrait 2013
In the late 1990s Ted Lausche realized he had to do something about abuse and molestation he lived through while at Madonna Manor / Hope Haven orphanage near New Orleans in the 1960s. Thanks to this new advancement, the internet, Ted found a specific place to report pedophile crimes he experienced from both male and female clergy to the Archdiocese. Ted called the number and Monsignor Ray Hebert answered the phone. 

“As soon as I heard his voice, I knew right away it was him,” Ted said. 

I looked up stunned, “A priest who raped you was the guy who answered the phone?” 

“Yep, the one in the confessional,” said Ted. “Now he was fielding calls on perp priests. There was an awkward silence and then I let loose on him.  I said, I'm coming down there to do to you what you did to me. I'm on my f---ing way." 

Years later, Ted had to drop the name of Ray Hebert from his lawsuit against the Archdiocese, as did the other three men who named the monsignor as a perpetrator in the early two thousands.  Because as soon as the men named Hebert in their lawsuits, the monsignor turned around and filed defamation claims against all four plaintiffs. 

“I never heard confession,” Hebert said in an Aug 1 2008 deposition. “That was not my responsibility. The sisters never asked me to do that.” (Read more of Hebert's deposition at bottom of post.) *

Hebert died January 2014 and my advisers tell me dead men cannot file defamation lawsuits, nor can their families. So this story is going forward.  Today Ted is a complicated man who has overcome great obstacles.  He seemed smart and hardworking.  He still claims that in spite of Hebert’s defamation lawsuits he remembers the man who raped him in the confessional to be the man who answered the archdiocese hot line phone forty years later, Monsignor Ray Hebert. 

If Ted's perpetrator was not Ray Hebert, it must have been some other short skinny Acadian priest who spent time at Hope Haven / Madonna Manor in the 1960s.

As I heard Ted speak, I couldn't help but wonder.  Could the monsignor have manipulated himself into that office just so he would be there to field calls that came in to report his own crimes? I know that is just speculation. I go on more here in My Take Ted 2 about Monsignor Hebert and his counter suits against pedophile priest victims. 

This is Ted Lausche’s story.  

When Ted went to New Orleans to meet the first time with the archdiocese, he also went public in local TV news.  The station would not name priests, but did mention Madonna Manor and Hope Haven.      

“I mentioned Gilbert Gauthe, too,” Lausche said, “and you could tell that name was a symbol of all that's wrong.  He’d already been convicted in 85 so this was fifteen years later.” (CofA Blog published the Gauthe part of Ted's story in 2009 here

After TV aired a report about Ted two times in one day on local New Orleans station, within weeks about a dozen other victims came forward and filed lawsuits for sex molestation at the Madonna Manor / Hope Haven, including three other men accusing Monsignor Hebert, who by then had been removed from his role in Victim Assistance.

Here is Ted’s story, in his own words.  He spoke and I took it down:



(From here on, questions from City of Angels Blog are in all caps, the rest of this is Ted’s own words, I took them down in this laptop as we met for three interview sessions in Chicago summer 2012.)

The first time I called, when I said the word Madonna Manor there was silence.  Then they connected me to Hebert.  He was in his seventies, but the voice was the same, you know the voice.  They're pampered their whole life. 

I told him, I'm going to come down there and do exactly what you did to me.  He did actually rape me not just the time in the Confessional but also in another incident about six months later.  He was there at the orphanage for the feast of f---ing something or other, so we’d have to serve and we’d clean up after.

As soon as I heard his voice, this sissy singsong voice, I was blinded with rage, hyperventilating.  I got up paced, really fast, got out a notebook of information I’d already developed, the names of the perps, times and dates on paper, what I’d been able to find at the time, which was limited. 

The brutalness of several of these incidences, it was painful. 

I had to get up and pace while I was talking, and one reason I had to hang up was because my asshole was almost bleeding.

I have body memories. 


It was the late nineties early two thousands, right after the incident where I threw the ashtray, I went to the website, and contacted them.  They said, we don't believe what you're saying is true. 

Hebert said it doesn't matter what you do, I decide and I say whether it goes anywhere from here. 

I said, I'm going to come down there and do to you what you did to me.  I know where you work, who your friends are, I'm coming to get your ass, literally me and my broomstick. 

It probably had happened with so many kids, he probably didn't know which one I was.  But now this was me talking to him and I was f---ing livid.  This is what helped destroy my family, because of things like-

I'm screaming “All f---ing five foot of the broomstick, you mother f---er, until it comes out your damn throat.”

And my kid was in the room.

(CofA: I look up from my notes stunned again when Ted says this as well. My daughter witnessed way too much of me screaming at phones while she grew up too.)

In order for me to do this, to report these crimes, my family would end up knowing about it.  Anybody that was around heard what was going on. 

The first lawyer I called in Chicago, Klepto or whatever his f---ing name is, said to me, It's very unusual for victims to have more than one perp. 

I said you're going to at least make the phone call. 




First time I realized I had a problem I was living in Joliet with this girl, the late 1970s, I’d just gotten out of service, just gotten out and was so f---ed up, I wasn’t thinking clearly, and S was a stabling influence.  I was playing basketball and ended up at a Catholic school. The priest came out and said go away it's private property and I went off on him.  Threw him into glass, careening into a hallway, I went berserk on him.  I snapped.  He came out with that attitude of there’s not a f---ing thing you can do and I grabbed his ass.  My friends all freaked out. They’d never seen anybody even talk back to a priest.

They’d never seen this hidden anger that I had.

They’d never seen this hidden anger that I had.

That was the first time I confronted this hidden anger. 

I violated everything about who I was as a normal person by attacking this guy and I almost killed him.  I head butted him and hurt my head, I was black and blue in the face.  That was the first time I realized there was somebody else inside me that had nothing to do with what I went through in the military. 

They kicked me out of the Marines because I wasn’t old enough, then kicked me out of Navy because I had a needle in my arm.  I ended up in Florida at a navy base, NAS something or other, I don't even know, I was so f---ed up.  I went AWOL in the Philippines they sent me to Florida.  I became a heroin addict in the Navy.  Before lying about my age and joining, I had been doing acid and things like that, but then I got wounded and the heroin really helped.  Everybody had heroinh.  Marines were wearing their hair long, we had a race riot on the ship.  On the way back to the States onboard were thirty thousand Vietnamese we were bringing over to give them all Stop and Go marts. 

Anyway, that was first incident.


Last incident before calling the archdiocese was I was sitting with B who I'm now married to B [at the time of the interview, now two years later Ted is divorced and engaged to a new female].  B looks a lot like S.

Our youngest son was just born.

I'm sitting there and I never watch TV early in the day, but this day I'm home doing an estimate for work and on the news there’s a cardinal and he’s saying there are pedophiles in the carpenters’ union.

It was like one of those movies where the devil takes over the TV, I'm hearing something maybe nobody else is hearing. It was some kind of interview where the cardinal was saying there are pedophiles in carpenter unions and also among plumbers, and and all of them have to be investigated.

At the time I'm a union carpenter, card carrying, working with plumbers every day. 

Here’s what I'm told happened. 

B says the room got quiet and I turned. 

She says I picked this ashtray thing up and threw it at the TV.  The tubes exploded and it started the drywall behind it on fire.  I threw it so hard, it blew backwards and everything caught fire inside this area.  My mother-in-law was there.  I freaked everybody out.

Once I started having kids, you didn't get in a lot of fights, I’d ask people nicely like to watch their language.

This day I blacked out, I came out of it, and I came back from wherever I was, started shaking.  B came over and held me.


No, nobody knew.  I went afterwards and called S.  

Back in the 1990s, it hadn’t entered my mind that priest rape of a child happened to so many other people

They say repressed memory doesn't exist, I said, let me find somebody who I talked to about it in the past.  So I called S, and said do you remember me talking about things that happened in the orphanage.  She said, yeah you wouldn't go to my folks for holidays. 

All they knew was I was raised at an orphanage and didn't like to be around Catholics


B said that's when she first saw there was someone else inside of me. 

Within a week is when I went to the website and left the email inquiry about the Manor. All I wanted was to get back to normal.  I tried that week, then I sent that email.

About three weeks later a website administrator contacted me with the archdiocese phone number, the office to call with pedophile priest claims.


I called S and then I called whoever I could get hold of, these women I used to be with, I’d call and say, I need to know, this is serious. 

My mother-in-law watched this happen and said, “It had something to do with what that cardinal said.”  She saw me become another personality and she would not leave me alone until I finally said, look, some terrible horrible things happened at the orphanage, and when I heard this guy saying that carpenters are worse pedophiles than priests.

She said, you have to do something about it.  It was about a week later, I said, I can’t.  I was just getting back to normalcy, I’d had to take time off work, I was having flashbacks.  I'm like what the hell is going on. 

B said that in that ashtray incident, in a minute everything changed, I had a different voice, a different look, it was almost like my eyes changed color. 

I had to take time off work.

Here’s my mother-in-law, who earlier in the relationship had nothing but bad feelings for me.  When she got to know me she saw I really wasn’t a freak.  I always held a job and paid the rent and bills.  We’d bought our own house.

Now my mother-in-law is telling me I have to do something about the way I reacted to the pedophile priest news on TV.  I said, you don't know what's going to happen if I go down this path, I don't know either, but it won’t be good.  Nothing about this has been good, why would it suddenly change, would they help?


After the first time, I called back next day to harass Hebert, but they already had another guy answering.  So I talked to the secretary, and I asked her. 

How is it the guy taking calls from victim is that guy who f---ed me and who knows how many other kids plus Gauthe, I know you guys know who Gilbert Gauthe is.  There was a ring of them, aside from the violence and all the other bullshit. 

The archdiocese woman says, Have you spoken with a lawyer yet.  I say yeah and when I find one, I’ll sue.

Then later they wouldn't let me in with a lawyer. 

I say to the archdiocese secretary, I want to come down and meet with the archbishop, and she goes, I don't know if that's possible.  I said, I'm not meeting with Hebert. 

Thing is, I still was thinking at the time that they were going to do the right thing. 

(In the early two thousands) they paid for me to come down.  First time we drove, and they reimbursed me for gas.  Two other times I came by train. 

First trip I met with them in New Orleans in these archdiocese buildings, ornate structures off downtown in a ritzy old area.  It was around 6 PM in late October early November, dark when I got there, and it was an immense labyrinth of places with a cathedral behind it, that kind of architecture. 

I go into the office to meet with them, my lawyer waits in the reception area.

Like I'm walking on a stain that I won’t be able to get off of me. 

The whole thing is evil, you can hear the building breathing you know what I mean.  Like I'm walking on a stain that I won’t be able to get off of me. 

I go in to see this faggy guy and a dike nun.  They knew my wife and lawyer were nearby.


Yeah.  They go, What seems to be the problem.

I go, you know why I'm here, and they say, yeah we read the assessment.

What do you guys propose we do? I'm trying to give them the benefit of the doubt, I'm trying to maintain.  I was so contained in the beginning. 

I knew I was dealing with minions, so that's the role I kept them in, like you're really nothing to me, I need to get to the next level.


I said, where do you want to start, with people who were killed at Madonna manor, raped, assaulted?  I went down my list.  They let me talk. 

I mentioned Gauthe and you could tell that name is a symbol of all that's wrong.  He’d already been convicted in 1985 so this was fifteen years later. 


We're going back and forth, they say give us names and I say, I can give you some, dorm mothers.  At that point I hadn’t even thought about it, it just started coming out, the dorms.  I named the four before Hope Haven, I named the dorm mothers, gave them names of nuns.  I must have given them thirty names.


They said, we don't have you in our records living at Hope Haven or Madonna Manor at that time.  After me naming names, they knew it was true, I had been there. 

They had a spin for everything I said.  Because they are so deep into it, they're so f---ing criminal.

At the end of this meeting, they say, if we could resolve this, what can we do for you. 

I wanted 3 things:

Public apology from whoever was in charge of New Orleans Archdiocese at the time. 

I wanted to address the community that had provided the charity and thank them, but ask them to hold people accountable and identify any of these predator priests and nuns.

I asked them to send my kids to college

And the guy laughed and said, you mean like Notre Dame?

I got up.  Shut the f--- up, I said, like I’d send my kid to that f---ing cesspool.  One of my perps went there.


I said, Shut the f--- up.  That f---ing cesspool, my son is too good a human being. 


I got up and walked out.  Then I met with the lawyer who was in the reception area.  I’d been in there 2 hours, my wife was waiting in the van.  We went to the hotel. 

I am blessed to have survived this long.  I wasn’t asking for money. 


They said, We'll get back to you.  We had three meetings, next two I took the train down. 

They offered me a settlement a number of times.  I said not without those three things. 

One time while we were down there, they brought Hebert in the room.  I was stunned and said, okay, but I wasn’t prepared for it.  

Hebert came in and wanted to shake my hand I said, don't even f---ing look at me. 

You mother f---ers, I don't know what game you're playing I'm going outta here to do interviews with W-W-W whatever.  


My third wife dragged me to a Linkup meeting, she sensed something was wrong, knew I’d been in the orphanage, didn't know details or times. 

She took me to a Linkup meeting and  it was a disaster, I was so angry at the people that did this.  First of all I wasn’t ready to acknowledge what had happened, I was so far in denial, thinking, here they go again. 

At that time back in the 1990s it hadn’t entered my mind that priest rape of a child happened to so many other people.  I knew about the orphanage but then hearing about priests coming into people’s houses so confused me, was so disorientating to me.  Juxtaposed with me not being able to go anywhere when I was at the orphanage, imagine finding out the priest was banging your son or daughter upstairs while you were watching late night TV.

And the shape people were in.  Everybody was crying, grown adults, I don't cry, I'm angry and embarrassed.  So I don't think I said a word at that Linkup meeting.  That's how I was in those days. 


I went to more than one convention, every one until they stopped having them.  Louisville, Chicago, before Linkup broke up. 

Then there was the incident with the ashtray.  So I went to website a place for comments, told them, some really bad things happened at Madonna Manor.

And I call and hear this sissy singsong voice, he sounded like a total f---ing queen. 



Sometimes I’ll spend all night in the library reading.  All librarians have food in their drawers.


I wanted to put them in every institution owned by Catholics where they're interacting with children, a sticker with a hotline, saying, “These guys rape kids.”

Linkup had some back in the day that said, “If you were raped by a priest or nun, call this number,” or something like that or, “My friend was raped by a priest, call this number.”

Mine said, “I was raped by a f---ing priest” and “priests here raped children.”

I made them up myself. 

The third trip down there I went back to Madonna Manor.  It was dark. I drove up and B stayed in the car. 

I must have put up forty of those stickers using them to seal doors.  I put my own seal on their doors.  I wanted to put those stickers in every institution owned by Catholics where they're interacting with children, a sticker with a hotline directly to my cell phone. 

"Like God Bless You, Mister Rosewater," Ted says leaning forward, and I see a little young boy first discovering that revolutionary book.


“How did you happen to hear of us?”
“There's this big black and yellow sticker in the phone booth.  Says Don’t Kill Yourself, Call the Rosewater Foundation.”  Such stickers were in every phone booth in the country, and in the back windows of the cars and trucks of most of the volunteer firemen, too.  “You know what someone else has written right under that in pencil?”
“Says, ‘Eliot Rosewater is a saint. He’ll give you love and money.  If you’d rather have the best piece of tail in southern Indiana, call Melissa.’ And then it's got her number.  What are you, some kind of religion?”

(God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater p. 102-103 by Kurt Vonnegut, 1965) 

Next in this series:
"The Hebert Incident" (with R-Rated outtakes )
"Everywhere Was Hell at Madonna Manor" 
(which will make more use of the deposition below) 


of Monsignor Hebert Aug 1, 2008, regarding his defamation suits against his accuser:

(LISTEN TO A LITTLE TOO LOOOONG answer in Hebert's deposition below.  In future posts in the Ted series, we will use more of three depositions of Ray Hebert from Aug '08, transcripts of which just arrived in my email this morning. -ke 8.29) 

Did you ever hear confessions at Madonna
4 Manor?
5 A. I can remember one occasion, only one
6 occasion that I heard confessions, and it
7 had to be -- because of the nature in which
8 it occurred, it had to be while the Salesian
9 priests were away from Hope Haven. They
10 hadn't given up Hope Haven, but they would
11 send them off on vacation at certain times
12 if the children were not there, and I was
13 asked by the superior at Madonna Manor
14 whether I could hear confessions, because
15 the boys had not been to confession in quite
16 a while. So maybe it was because the
17 individual confessor, who was undoubtedly a
18 Salesian, that -- but the evening I went --
19 and I went on an evening because that's when
20 I was free. That's when I was in the Hope
21 Haven area. I went to hear confessions in
22 the residence where the boys were living at,
23 and I heard it not in chapel and not in a
24 confessional, but I heard it in a large
25 room, and the children were being sent by

the sisters from their residential area.
2 After one went to confession, another would
3 be sent down.
4 I remember that simply because I
5 remember dealing with a boy who had been
6 stationed at Madonna Manor after I got
7 there, and who had then become unhappy
8 because he was immature dealing with the
9 other boys and had been dismissed from Hope
10 Haven. And then after a period of time his
11 family said we can't -- we can't keep him,
12 he's still giving us problems, and they
13 decided to send him back to Madonna Manor.
14 And I remember dealing with that kid on that
15 particular occasion. I remembered him
16 because he had been at Hope Haven. I
17 wouldn't have known him otherwise.
18 Q. So are you testifying that you --
19 A. I was never a regular confessor for the boys
20 at Madonna Manor.
21 Q. I understand. Prior to becoming director of
22 Hope Haven, how many times do you think you
23 assisted either the Salesians or the nuns at
24 Madonna Manor by hearing confessions at
25 Madonna Manor?
A. I never did prior to that time.
11 His last answer was in his
12 lifetime he heard one confession only.

18 No, I never heard confession.
19 That was not my responsibility. The sisters
20 never asked me to do that, and they knew
21 that wasn't my responsibility.